Impending Divorce: Changing the narrative of success
I knew it, I knew it, I knew it. I knew I was supposed to be an entrepreneur, I knew it with every fiber of my being but who was supposed to pay these bill while I "built" a business? These kids gotta eat, homelessness was not apart of my 20-year plan, and somebody had to rock all of the fabulousness that these clothing designers were coming out with. That somebody was moi. So, how would I do all of this and successfully build a business? Cause I have to be successful, I have bags to buy and mouths to feed. I looked up at the ceiling of my car and yelled out, "How?" I was frustrated, tired, at my wit's end, and stuck. I knew what success was- I knew it because I had it all typed out in a plan on my wall in my home office. I had it blown up so I could see it every day when I walked into the office. I was married to that plan, and divorce was not an option.
Amid my mini temper tantrum, I arrived at my destination, the Mall West End in Atlanta, GA. As I got out and walked toward the mall, I smelled a heavenly scent; it was the scent of my favorite oil.
I was so focused on my complicated relationship with success that I missed this amazingly attractive African-American man walking up towards me; in assessing him, I could not determine which was more perfect his smile or his body was. Then he spoke, "Hey Queen," he said with a beautiful baritone voice. I knew he was about to sell me something, but it didn't matter, cause I had already reached for my purse so I could support this man.
"I got some oils here. Queen, let me look at you. Got it, this is your oil right here. Smell this."
I smelled the oil and snapped into reality and asked him, "Do you sell oils all day?"
He smiled and said, "I do a few other things, but I am good doing this. It gives me a good life."
And at that moment it hit me: I had it all wrong. This gorgeous man wasn't in designer clothes, didn't step out of a "Luxury" car, and didn't live in some plush neighborhood. But, by his own account, he was happy. We talked about his goals, I gave some free coaching cause I am a coach, and that is what I do and how I get clients. He wasn't where he wanted to be, but he was enjoying the journey.
He taught me something that day, and it was that day that I filed for divorce. Naw, Mr. Giles and I are still together, but I did file papers on my idea of success. I snatched down that plan I had on the wall, and instead, I created a timeline. Not a timeline of just deliverables but a timeline of enjoyment, a timeline that dictated how I would enjoy all of the success along the way. I waiting for something BIG to celebrate. No longer did I wait on the million-dollar contract with Goldman Sachs, but I celebrated the 20k deal with Woodstock ENT.
The moment I divorced the idea that success was a destination and began a new relationship with the journey was the moment success began to pursue me.
You are worth being pursued by success. Stop chasing something that should be hunting you down. Yes, success is a destination, but it is also found along the path you journey toward it. And it will meet and embrace you if you only pause long enough to recognize its presence.
Now, this is not a message to slack off; this is the for the girl that is driving so fast and is so focused on getting to the finish line that she is missing the beautiful scenery along that way. That missed scenery is the very thing that will make the destination that much more breathtaking.
WRITTEN BY FMC2020 Keynote Speaker Dethra U Giles
